Cell(ph) Pollution?

The 39 Symptoms of Smart Phone Abuse

Suspicious Signs: Symptoms

1. General debility — an overall weakness, including unnatural paleness and colorless lips and gums, that is not caused by any other obvious factor (such as “internal disease, worms, grief, overwork, poor air, or poor food”).
2. Early symptoms of consumption — a cough, a decrease in flesh, short breathing and soreness of the lungs or muscles of the chest, are “often solely the result of this vice.”
3. Premature and defective development — young cell phone users risk losing vital energies that the body needs for growth and development. As a result, “The mind is dwarfed as well as the body.” In young males, this leads to a failure of the voice to increase in volume and depth of tone, deficient growth of the beard, and in failure of the chest to become full and the shoulders broad. In young women, this leads to “menstrual derangements, by defective growth either in stature, or as shown in unnatural slimness, and in a failure to develop the graces and pleasing character which should distinguish early womanhood.” “Such signs deserve careful investigation; for they can only result from some powerfully blighting influence.”
4. Sudden change in disposition — if a kid suddenly changes from happy and pleasant to gloomy and disobedient, this is a sign “which may well arouse suspicion
5. Lassitude — “a dislike for play, lifelessness and languor” could be a sign of frequent cell phone use.
6.  An unnatural dullness and vacantness
7. Sleeplessness — “may justly be a cause for suspicion of evil habits.”
8. Failure of mental capacity — when a child “becomes stupid, forgetful, and inattentive, he has probably become the victim of a terrible vice, and is on the road to speedy mental as well as physical ruin. Watch him.”
9. Fickleness — indecisiveness and uncertainty could be a sign of a cell phone over use.
10. Untrustworthiness — “This vice has a wonderful influence in developing untruthfulness”
11. Love of solitude —, “The barn, the garret, the water-closet, and sometimes secluded places in the woods are favorite resorts of cell phone abusers. They should be carefully followed and watched, unobserved.”
12. Bashfulness — “every person who is excessively modest or timid is a cell phone abuser,” but habitual hand-jammers normally cannot look a person straight in the eye.
13. Unnatural boldness — In contrast to bashfulness, some phone abusers become horribly uncouth. “When spoken to, he [the master-phoner] stares rudely at the person addressing him, often with a very unpleasant leer upon his countenance.”
14. Mock piety — When a happy child becomes “a sober and very sedate little Christian,” his or her family may see this as good thing. However, “not the slightest suspicion have they of the foul orgies practiced by the little sinner.” The child is simply using religion as an excuse to find solitude (“I’m going to pray in the woods, mother, please leave me to converse with God in solitude”).

The fearful face of a cellularbator?

15. Easily frightened — Cell-u-bation can lead to a diseased imagination: “The victim’s mind is constantly filled with vague forebodings of evil.”

16. Confusion of ideas — “If he attempts to argue, his points are not clearly made.” His jokes fail, “and no one but himself sees any occasion for laughter, except at his stupidity.”
17. Wantonness — While society accepts that some male abusers develop an aversion to the society of girls, he argues that the opposite is more often true (they turn into horny little bastards). Females usually show an increasing fondness for the society of boys, turning them into wanton little sluts.
18. Round shoulders — the stooping posture in sitting results in round shoulders, an undeniable sign of the master-cellular.
19. Weak backs, pains in the limbs, and stiffness of the joints — something that should arouse suspicion, especially in young subjects.
20. Paralysis — “We have seen several cases in which this condition was traced to the habit of digital manipulation, in children under six years of age.”
21. Unnatural gait — “Boys… walk as if they had been stiffened in the hips, and as though their legs were pegs attached to the body by hinges. The girl wriggles along in a style quite as characteristic.”
22. Bad positions in bed — “If a child lies constantly upon its abdomen, or is often found with its hands about the genitals, it may be at least considered in a fair way to acquire the habit, if it has not already done so.”
23. Lack of development of the breasts in females — “a common result of self-pollution.”
24. Capricious appetite — When starting out along the phoning path, self-abusers develop a huge appetite, “gorging themselves in the most gluttonous manner.” Later, the appetite becomes unstable and unpredictable.
25. Fondness for unnatural, hurtful, and irritating foods — Frequent users like to eat large quantities of “salt, pepper, spices, cinnamon, cloves, vinegar, mustard, horseradish, and similar articles.”
26. Eating clay, slate-pencils, plaster and chalk — According to Kellogg, this is “a practice to which girls who abuse themselves are especially addicted.”
27. Disgust for simple food.
28. The use of tobacco — Smokers are almost certainly abusers: “Exceptions to this rule are very rare indeed, if they exist, which we somewhat doubt.”
29. Unnatural paleness — Paleness in the face and colorless lips “may be attributed to secret sin.” Generally, however, Kellogg recommends giving pale people the benefit of the doubt.
30. Acne or pimples on the face — A suspicious sign, but not conclusive on its own, especially when considering spotty teenagers.
31. Biting the finger nails — “a practice very common in girls addicted to this vice.” Girls who flick the bean too much will also have one or more warts “upon one or both the first two fingers of the hand, usually the right.”
32. The eyes — Sunken, red or sore eyes could be a sign of texting antics. However, other factors, such as lack of sleep, could also cause similar symptoms.
33. An habitually moist, cold hand — “a suspicious circumstance in a young person.”
34. Palpitation of the heart — This frequently occurring “nervous disturbance” may be a sign of frequent Smartphone flogging.
35. Hysteria in females — “a suspicious circumstance when frequently occurring on very slight occasions”
36. Chlorosis, or green sickness — Green sickness can occur in women who partake in the “unholy practice” of digitation.
37. Epileptic fits — Often “the result of vicious habits.”
38. Wetting the bed — “may be connected with the practice” of polishing the phone.
39. Unchastity of speech — A “fondness for obscene stories” betrays a condition of mind commonly found in young plan beaters.