Taking their hands out of your children's pants just long enough to pick your pockets

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Is this really necessary?

To date, the abuse has been really successful without the need for any committees.

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St. Peter's Bone

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There has got to be joke in that; 
I just can't lay my hands on it.

Great Moments in Superstition: Exorcism

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Orgy in Stanze di Raffaello. Pass it on.

Popecobana

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"Don't sh*t where you eat; please go at least 600m in any direction".

Cardinal who slurred U.S. activist facing sexual abuse probe within his diocese*

*link

Officially Scraped

Maybe the hidden Milwaukee millions are underneath.

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and some non-atheists get a head start

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"GREAT! Now he tells us."

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Pot calls kettle 'negro / black / noir / schwarz / nero'.

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After excitement of Papal Conclave, Vatican slowly returns to normal.

NOW IT CAN BE TOLD

Cardinals depart Rome, but leave lasting mark.

Papal Conclave: Behind the scenes

New Pope Faces First Test

"Variously known as the sedia stercoraria – which translates as the 'dung chair'– or rather more understandably, as the 'pierced chair', this then was the object used to test the sex of newly installed popes... Any candidate chosen by his peers to occupy the papal throne was required, before his election could be verified, to sit on this elaborate seat while a young cardinal took advantage of the design to touch his testicles." [Reference]

"and the 2013 Mitre goes to..."

More confusion from the Vatican!

Obscure German monk inundates Papal Conclave with 95 Tweets.